It's my last day with the grade one class that I started with. It's exciting in one way, in that this means that I have only four more weeks left in my internship, and yet it is sad, because these kids have come to mean so much to me. Not only are they my first class, but they have let me experiment with strategies and ideas and have been very good through the whole thing. This morning when I got to school, I was banned from the verenda outside our classroom. When the bell rang, I was instructed to sit on a chair and I was presented with: two cards, both signed by the class (one was coloured by the students and one was made by a mom and had a class picture in it), a stuffed kangaroo with a joey in her pouch, two Australia caps (one for me and one for Ryan), a letter opener with the Aussie flag on it, another card with a picture of one of my girls and her sister and a bunch of roses cut from that girls' dad's rose garden. They are beautiful and I feel very special. They are also putting on a lunch for me today. I was not expecting anything and I got all of this! I am in awe of the generosity of people.
So for the next two weeks, I will be on holidays. Unfortunately, Ryan still has to work so I won't be going anywhere. However, my friend Kyla (from Saskatoon) is back in Brisbane and will be staying with us starting tonight, so I will have someone to hang out with, so that's nice. I also need to finish off some assignments for the U of S, so I'll get that out of the way.
So about the Philip Yancey book I am reading...I just finished the chapter about Tolstoy and Dystovesky (did I spell that right?). I am very eager to get a hold of some of their books and read them for myself. Basically Tolstoy spent his life trying to live up to Christ's standards, and never understood the concept of grace, whereas Dystovesky focused on grace. To me, the two together seemed to reach a balance, one that I struggle to achieve. Obviously, grace is one of the most important aspects of the Christian faith, and I depend fully on Christ's grace. Without it, I am lost, as I sin continually. Yet I feel that in the past few years, the church has focused on grace without preaching the other half, and that is that God has called us to a higher living. The Gospel of Matthew states over and over that the Christian life is not an easy one, and yet I feel that a lot of Christians don't realize that. Part of this might be because a lot of Christians don't read their Bibles, and they don't know what God has called us to. We have to have a balance: faith without deeds is dead. Read James. We can't claim to be covered under Christ's blood and then live as we please. We have been set free from the law of sin and death and are under the law of grace. We need to stop trying to claim our "rights" and realize our responsibilities. I think that when we truly start to grasp (because I don't think our human minds can fully grasp) the price that GOD paid for us measely human beings who betray Him over and over, we will desire to give up our rights. But we don't constantly think this way. It's a training of our minds to put the focus where it should be. And our sinful nature pulls us in the other direction. And I know that I stumble over and over in this area. It is truly a balancing act.
I know that I could go on and on, because this is where my passions have been lately...actually for quite a while. But I will spare everyone and stop.
Although I do have a question for anyone who is reading this and thinks that have an answer...how do you forgive yourself for past sins that you know God has forgiven, but everytime they surface in your memory, strike you down with utter guilt?
What a pleasant note to end my blog with...