Ughh, can't sleep. Not good when I have lots going on tomorrow. But there is a lot floating around in my head, which makes it super hard to sleep.

At this exact point in my pregnancy with Ayda, I was not sleeping either. In fact, this night was an extremely unrestful, worrisome, angry and teary night. This night, this very hour during my pregnancy with Ayda I was experiencing hour 25 with ruptured membranes. Yes, at not quite 17 weeks. Not good. I still remember it so vividly - waking up in the middle of the night thinking, did I think what just happened actually happen? And it had. I was so mad at God. Because not only were the odds of my Baby surviving 3%, but my Mom had died a mere 4 weeks earlier. Yeah, thanks God.

But God chose to work that miracle and seal up the hole that was leaking and save my Baby, my Ayda. She really is my miracle child.

I have thought about it quite a bit this week, although I wasn't ever actually that scared that it would happen again. I mean, yes, the odds of my membranes rupturing earlier than they should are higher now that it's happened before, but they are still not super high. No one knows why they did that, and for it to happen at the exactly the same time again was so unlikely. I'm probably more scared of my water breaking in the near future. I don't know why - it's weird.

Anyway, that was such a terrible time in my pregnancy with Ayda. I am so glad I am about to snuggle into my own bed at home, instead of crying on a cold mattress in the hospital!