Here we go again. Death, dying, died, dead. Ryan's Grandpa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Friday. Not fun. Now to be fair, he is 96 and actually quite content with his situation. I think he's tired and ready to go home - to his proper, eternal home. He was moved to palliative care last night and he's doing much better there. The staff at St. Paul's Palliative Unit is amazing. I remember that from when my aunt was there 9 years ago. Wow - was that 9 years ago already?! Anyway, Grandpa's illness and impending death just brings back memories and emotions. Isn't is strange - his situation is completely different that Mom's, yet that's what I think about. I wonder if that will ever change - if I will ever experience another's death and not have it compounded by my own Mother's death. It's not that I'm not grieving for the other person or the loss to the family, but I think I now understand so clearly what those left behind are going through (not that everyone feels the same or deals with death the same, but you know what I mean). The pain is so real and sears through me, refreshing my own loss. 

In the meantime, please send up a prayer for Grandpa. His mind is still sharp, but his body is quickly failing. Like I said, that's okay; but we don't want him to be in pain. Pancreatic cancer is not nice to a person - one of the worst (it was the cancer Patrick Swayze had) and so if he could go sooner rather than later, it would probably be the best. That way, he could still know that he is surrounded by his family at the time of his death, instead of doped up on pain killers and not really aware. 

On a funny note, he is still cracking his dry jokes! He was tickled pink and asked for his glasses last night, when the paramedics who came to transfer him turned out to be young females. He told them they'd be in trouble if he was 75 years younger! This evening he randomly said he needed to get a haircut. Who thinks of that when there in his situation!? However, there are barbers in the hospital, so he may very well get his haircut! Last night, Auntie Debbie was scratching behind his ear for him, and his leg started twitching like crazy - it was hilarious! And strong! Wow. He always wants to be holding someone's hand, and that person's hand usually falls asleep, he hangs on so tightly. And he'll hang onto hands to pull himself up to adjust his position and is totally capable of doing that. It tires him out, but still...it's crazy. And if you want to see what Ryan's Dad will look like at age 96 (and very possibly Ryan, for that matter!) just take a look at Grandpa! We told that to him, and he shook his head and told Ryan that was too bad, with a wink and a grin. This is how we all want to remember him when he does take his last breath. Thanks for the prayers.